Sometimes I take my sobriety for granted.  We survive a lot to get sober and to stay sober.  It was usually a catastrophic event that we drank over anyway.  When we get sober we have to learn to mourn and grieve without alcohol.  We’ve survived DTs and the 12 steps. I sometimes feel like my Grandmother when she’d talked about the Great Depression.  She was tough as nails and I feel like I’m tough as nails.

My sponsor used to hammer an important concept: “Do not ever take anything personally.”

“I’m sorry, “I said, “It’s all personal!  How could it not be?”

I finally got it.  I finally realized that the words or deeds that others do to offend me are not about me.  They come from the inner dealings of their own issues.  Their problem with me, is not about me, therefore I do not need to take it personally or be offended.  What that concept gave me was an inner freedom.  I was finally free to be who I was.  I didn’t have to apologize for it, or excuse it or hide it.  I’m strong because I’m free.  The fear of people left me.  Resentments left me.

Then something or someone comes along to remind us of our fragility.  I thought I quit caring about what others think of me.  I thought I could handle anyone’s barbed words and let it roll off of my back.  Alcoholics are by nature hypersensitive.  I thought I let go of the hypersensitivity when I let go of my resentments.  And I did.

What I come to realize is that we have only a daily reprieve.  If I am not vigilant and if I am not actively taking care of my sobriety, my hypersensitivity is activated.  Sometimes it’s activated in the most inconvenient of places.  My sobriety is contingent on my spiritual condition.  If I don’t take care of my spiritual condition, I become hypersensitive and in turn am endangered to drink.

Taking care of my spiritual condition may be different for you than it is for me.  I think for me it means I take the time at least once a day to be quiet and to quiet my mind.  In addition to being an alcoholic, I’m also an introvert.  I need a sufficient amount of quiet to go back out into the world and let possibly offending words and deeds roll off of my back.  I know myself and know my limitations.

So, I will tend to my spiritual condition, just for today.