I’m thinking about resentment today as I dread to have to deal with someone today at work. I discovered working my 12 steps that I probably played a part in the demise of the relationships with those I resented in the past.  When I finally recognized that I indeed may have had some responsibility, forgiveness came easy.  But what about when I’m truly injured by someone in which I have no part to play.  I think the thing I resent the most is that the injurious situation made me feel like a victim.  I quit playing the victim role when I worked through the 12 steps and took responsibility for my own life and behaviors.  Now I’m several years sober and feel like a victim again.

Resentment: Merriam-Webster defines it as a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as wrong, insult, or injury.

Robert C. Solomon, a professor of philosophy at the University of Texas at Austin describes resentment as the means by which man clings to his self-respect.  He wrote that it is in this moment when humanity is at its lowest ebb.

When I read what doctor Solomon had to say my first thought was, “Really, MY humanity is at its lowest ebb?  I’m the injured party here.”  So I looked up the word humanity in the good ole Merriam-Webster.  It’s defined as the quality or state of being kind to other people or to animals.  So I guess under the definition, I’m not in a state of kindness.

Hey, I think I’m doing well not to retaliate and now I have to live in a state of being kind?

The truth is that the insult that was injurious was embarrassing and humiliating.  It happened in front of respected colleagues.  But, am I using the resentment as a means to cling to my self-respect?  If I am honest with myself I would have to say, yes, without a doubt.  And then I have to get honest with myself again and say that my self-respect can never be taken away without my consent.  The truth is that there is no insult or injury, psychological or physical that can take away the respect that I have for me no matter how hurtful the injury is.  Only I can do that and I did.  I allowed the situation to change the way I felt about myself and I became resentful.

I am told in my 12 step program that “Resentment is the number one offender.  It destroys more alcoholics that anything else.  From it stem all forms of spiritual disease.”  Now all of the sudden I’m on the path to self-destruction.  I’m in a moment when humanity is at its lowest ebb.  I’m told that resentment is fatal.

We are also told that “this world and its people were often quite wrong.”  But we need to be free of anger.  Anger is the “dubious luxury of normal men.”  Our course is to recognize that those who wrong us are spiritually sick and show them the same tolerance and pity that we would show a sick friend.  Then we pray.  We pray for ourselves that we would be tolerant and helpful.  We pray for the offender that they would find peace, prosperity and love.  We pray for them the things that we want for ourselves.

The thing is that you don’t have to believe in prayer to have it work.  During this process, if we are diligent we somehow lose our resentments and we save ourselves from destruction.  It’s worked for me in the past and it will work for me now.  It’s simple but not easy.

Just for today I will pray for my enemy all the things that I want in my life.